CHAPTER 13. Confessions

Summary

In the sunlight, Edward's skin sparkled as if covered in diamonds, which fascinated Bella to no end. She eventually touches his arms and hands and she confesses to being afraid, though not in the way Edward thinks. When she leans in closer to breathe him in, Edward suddenly moves away from him, wary of his instincts. As they calm down again, Edward promises that he can control himself in her presence and Bella explains that she's afraid that she can't stay with him, as much as she wants to. Edward then reminds her that he does crave for her in a more dangerous manner, explaining that every person has a different essence and that her essence is uniquely appealing to him and his predatory nature. He spoke to his brothers and found Jasper never found such a human, while Emmett found two such humans but Edward won't explain what happened to them.

As for Bella, Edward explained that she tortured him by her very presence, that he was strongly tempted to lure her in and prey on her. In resisting, he went to Alaska to stay with old acquaintances, even though it upset his adoptive mother Esme, but then decided to come back. He took precautions such as hunting more often, and the complication of being unable to read Bella's mind made the temptation even more frustrating. When he saw her in danger with Tyler Crowley's van, he made excuses for why he saved her, that he'd expose himself as a vampire once her blood was spilled - but this was not the real reason. That night, having placed his family in danger over Bella by revealing his true nature, there was a disagreement of what to do next: Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper argued for killing Bella while Carlisle and Alice sided with Edward to save her; Esme wanted Edward to do whatever was necessary for him to stay. To Edward's surprise, the next day he read people's minds and found Bella kept her word and told no one what she suspected. At this point he confesses to Bella that he couldn't live with himself if he ever hurt her, that she had become too important to him.

Bella again asserts how she feels, that she would rather die than stay away from him. She then asks what she did wrong earlier, when he moved away suddenly; he explains that the closeness caught him by surprise, as humans are often repelled by the alien nature of his kind. Further, the smell of her throat also surprised him. At this, he asks Bella to be still and he leaned towards her, slid his hands down her neck, sniffing his nose before resting against his chest to listen to her heart. She then takes her turn, asking Edward to not move as she felt the contours of his face but decided not to push him too far. Edward confesses to being confused and feeling vulnerably human, that he has human instincts still, but they're just buried deep. When it's time to leave, Edward offers to show Bella how he usually travels: she climbs on his back and he runs through the forest at an unbelievable speed, making Bella dizzy since she kept her eyes open. They return to the truck in mere minutes. Edward then kisses Bella on the lips, and Bella opened her lips as they did so, forcing Edward to push her back. The two make light of this experience as Edward re-asserts his self-control, but Bella is still dizzy so Edward insists on driving the truck home.

Notes

The idea of vampires glistening like diamonds in the sun is not part of traditional lore. However, it does build on two related issues in this novel: first, it further emphasizes the beauty of vampires, giving them an even more distinct allure than humans; second, it builds on the idea that vampires possess a wide range of predatory gifts, including an ability to lure in humans with this unnatural beauty.