CHAPTER ELEVEN

Summary

The chapter begins with Jamie admitting a few days before the New Year that Landon is the first boy she has ever kissed. Landon says he thought so and as a result, Jamie wonders if she did it wrong. He assures her that she's a great kisser, which is the truth to him, but she only turns and gets a far-off look in her eyes. He doesn't become too alarmed at that, because she has been doing it a lot. She then asks him if he's ever been in love and he responds like James Dean, You mean before now? So, she doesn't take him seriously. He then tells her that he has and when she asks him how he knew, he says that you know it's love when all you want to do is spend time with the other person, and you sort of know that the other person feels the same way. He thinks, when all she says is, I see, that she's playing me like a harp.

On New Year's Eve, Landon takes Jamie out to dinner at Flauvin's, a very exclusive restaurant. It had been his mother's idea that he take Jamie to someplace special. He had talked to his mother about his feelings and how Jamie seemed reluctant to commit to him as seriously as he has committed to her. She told him that just going to Jamie's house every day wouldn't let her know just how he felt and she suggested buying her perfume. Of course, Landon knows that Hegbert would never allow her to wear it, so his mother tells him to take Jamie out to dinner. When Landon confesses that he hasn't any money and why he doesn't, his mother gets a look of quiet satisfaction on her face as if she, too, knows that he's finally growing up. She tells him not to worry about the money and to just find out if Hegbert will allow it and if Jamie wants to go.

So Landon goes to the church the next day, even before he asks Jamie, to ask Hegbert's permission. He asks a weary-looking Hegbert if it would be okay to take Jamie out on New Year's Eve, but when he admits that his parents won't be with them, Hegbert refuses. Just as he's leaving, Landon turns around and tells Hegbert he's sorry for how he has treated both him and Jamie in the past and that he promises he will change from then on, because he loves her. Hegbert says he knows that Landon loves Jamie, but he doesn't want to see her hurt. Landon assures the reverend again that he would never do that. So, Hegbert relents and tells Landon that Jamie can go, but she must be home by ten. Landon smiles and wants to thank him, but he can tell that Hegbert wants to be alone. He turns for the door and as he glances back, he sees that Hegbert has his face in his hands.

Landon asks Jamie an hour later, but she says she doesn't think she will be allowed to go. Landon tells her that he's already asked Hegbert and the tone of Jamie's voice makes Landon realize that asking her father's permission has an effect on how she views him after that. He doesn't tell her about her father crying, but when he relates what happened with Hegbert to his mother, she has a perfectly sensible explanation for the tears: he just realizes that his daughter is growing up and that he is slowly losing her to Landon.

Landon picks Jamie up right on time and is happy to see she has worn her hair down for him. They are given the best table in the restaurant and he notes that Jamie seems nervously happy to be there with him. His mom has made the right suggestion.

Landon tells Jamie that she's beautiful and they hold hands while they talk about what had happened over the last few months. After their dinner, the music begins and Landon asks Jamie to dance. They are the only ones on the dance floor and everyone watches them as they glide across it. Landon thinks that everyone knows how they feel about each other, and they are wistful thinking about their own youth. He closes his eyes and wonders if anything in his life had ever been this perfect. Being in love is even more wonderful than he imagined it would be.

They spend the next week together as much as possible, doing things young people did back then. Landon notes a few times that Jamie seems tired and listless. They even have to leave their visit to the orphanage early, because she is running a fever. However, every time they kiss - and it's not every time they're together - he realizes how misunderstood Jamie has been her whole life, not just by him, but by everyone. He assumes that Jamie is also a seventeen year old with the same hopes and doubts as he has.

Then comes the day when Jamie finally tells Landon the truth. He is walking her home from Cecil's Diner and he has had a feeling all day with her that something important is on her mind. He can tell she doesn't feel well. So he doesn't expect her to start a conversation until she asks him, People think I'm strange, don't they? He lies and says no, but she asks him to do her a favor and never tell her a lie again. So he makes the promise even though he feels like he'll come to regret it. Then, she asks him the same question again. He says yes to fulfill his promise and when she asks why, he admits that it's partially because of her father. Then, she asks if he thinks she's strange, too. Landon answers, You're a wonderful person, Jamie. You're beautiful, you're kind, you're gentle . . . you're everything that I'd like to be. If people don't like you, or think you're strange, then that's their problem. Her lips begin to tremble and Landon's heart speeds up as he adds, I love you, Jamie. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.

Unfortunately, Jamie's response to Landon's heartfelt words is not what Landon wants to hear. She begins to cry and when he takes her in his arms, he realizes that she's lost weight and that she has a bruise on her hand just below her ring finger. She then tells him not to say those words and that's she's sorry. When he asks her why and declares that he doesn't care what anyone thinks about his love for her, she kisses him gently and says that he can't love her, because she's dying.

Notes

Throughout the chapter, there are signs that prepare the reader for Jamie's admission that she's dying. She often has a faroff look on her face and she is tired, listless, runs a fever, has unexplainable bruises, and has lost weight. Landon is so happy to be with her that, even though he notices all those things, he doesn't really notice at all. He is truly in love with Jamie, but he's also in love with love. He loves the fact that people watching them dance in the restaurant feel wistful about the love they recognize between them. He loves taking walks with her. He loves the fact that he doesn't feel the need to try to get to second base, because he loves her too much to disrespect her. He loves her so much that he promises never to lie to her again even though his words might hurt her. And he's so in love that when he finally tells her so, he is blown away by the secret she finally reveals.

Of course, other signs are also significant foreshadowing: Hegbert's weariness and desire to be alone; the fact that he puts his face in his hands and cries after Landon asks his permission to take Jamie to dinner; and Jamie's need to know why people think she's strange. These are things people do when they're preparing for death. There is also a bit of irony, when Landon's mother explains Hegbert's tears as those of father who knows he's losing his daughter to the man she loves. Actually, his tears are those of a father who knows his daughter is going to die.